Nobody
by dreamingofgallifrey
Summary: Petunia Dursley feels she will be nobody for the rest of her life.She's not thought of her as the best, she's just faded into the background.Will she ever find someone real to love? Petunia's journey through life to find the heart of unconditional love.
1. Nobody

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters or any of the books in the Harry Potter series. Nope, I'm not JK Rowling... but I wish I was.

_**"To the world you are one person but to one person you are the world"**_

She blamed it all on her sister.

Even before the magic tricks had started, Lily had always stood out. The youngest one, the prettiest one, the cutest one, the cleverest one and then the magical one.

Was there any reason she shouldn't have been embittered towards her? What was lank blonde hair to rich ember? What was pale flatness to shimmering sapphire eyes? When your parents looked at you every day and compared you to the sister at boarding school, when they wondered aloud why the younger one had magical powers and the other one hadn't, then why should you care anymore?

So she just stopped caring, after all no one wanted her- why should she want them?

Then Lily got married to a good man- well she couldn't deny it, James Potter was good looking, rich and popular as well as kind. Lily had written letters about him.

Letters she threw away or burnt, (after secretly reading them). But no one really cared about that anyway.

And how she struggled to get someone who could support her and care for her!

No one thought she would accept Vernon Dursley's hand- so what if he wasn't amazingly slim, she told herself- he cares.

And she had a son, and she loved him so much because he loved her too.

But it wasn't long till she was second best again... Dudley always preferred Vernon , maybe that's why she spoiled him.

And so much love was stored inside her, love she couldn't give away.

And when Harry came, hate corrupted the love till there was nothing left.

There he was, a little reminder of the old times, a little reminder of being second best. And there he was, it was easy to take out everything she had stored up inside her.

And so, the poison seeped little by little, out of her heart.

But still she thought, why wouldn't someone-anyone care for her? One person who'd give away the world for her, someone she could give away the world for?

Someone she could love.


	2. Goodbye

Saying goodbye had become so frequent in Petunia's life that she wasn't really affected by them anymore. It was just a word, and in most cases you saw the person again.

Not this time.

This was one goodbye she would... regret. Slightly, maybe. But it was too late for regrets now, 16 years had passed, 16 years of solid dislike and what would it do to say everything you actually meant _now._

Her son had said goodbye, even her husband had even managed something like it. But somehow she couldn't. A bang, the front door had been opened and closed. Dudley had gone.

She quickly stuffed her handkerchief in her pocket. She was determined not to look back. He probably wouldn't even reply anyway. One word and she would leave. And forever have the normal life she had longed for.

"Well...Goodbye."

"Goodbye"

The word was somehow tinted with sadness and regret. She didn't want that. She didn't want to leave before telling him, so that maybe he would understand why she had to do it. She had to or else...what? She couldn't abandon the years of hate and prejudice her life had become. This was something that had always stayed constant. Something stirred, a dormant feeling. Almost like...maternal love. Impossible. She'd never felt like this towards him. Towards Dudley maybe, but those feelings had long since been quashed when he started prefering Vernon. It was so strange. And she had to see his face one last time, to make absolutely sure that's what it was.

So she did what she promised she wouldn't do, she turned back.

And she saw a flicker of surprise in those deep green eyes. The green eyes of her sister.

Eyes she would never see again.

She closed her eyes for a moment, holding back the sorrow. The moment didn't pass like it always had before. This was a hole in her heart, one that had been trying to open for years and had now burst free. It was as if, only now she'd realised her sister was dead.

Ironically, it was an eye opener.

She teetered back and forth and her toes, biting her lips, words she so desperately needed to say wanting to spill out, but years of habit kept her from letting them out. He waited, surprised, a little anxious and curious.

It was astonishing how much emotion a pair of deep green eyes could convey.

She wanted to say everything and nothing, she wanted to say sorry but scream at him for just being who he was. For being different and making her feel low, again. For being second best again. So she'd made him feel second best. But despite how much she denied it, she was proud of him. For enduring everything and carrying on, for standing up for himself when he was being pushed about, for showing them he was angry rather than hidng it away, showing her that she was wrong.

And now he soon would step out into the dark night to meet his fate. A destiny and prohecy too terrible for anyone to have to bear. The boy had so much courage. She wished she'd admired that while she could.

She shook her head quickly and scuttled away, it wouldn't do for him to read her face. Even though she'd always said she was stupid, she knew he was quite the opposite. The door closed with a small click.

Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry" she said aloud, once. But she was sure he didn't hear it and it didn't clear her conscience. _I should have done more. If only I'd..._

But Petunia already knew how much torment those words could bring her.

So she wiped her tears away, fixed a stony expression on her face and walked away.

After all, goodbyes don't mean anything, do they?


	3. Remember

She hadn't seen him for years. She was old now and had nothing to do but dwell on her memories.

The good ones had long since lost their shine, all that was left were the regrets. Burning, gnawing, itching regrets.

One in particular. But she knew enough, he had survived, and all that was to be said had been said. No need to cause more grief, to him or to her life was good enough. Dudley was married with a good job but Vernon passed on since then. She didn't know what had been scarier at the time: the prospect of her carrying on alone or the fact that she'd hardly felt anything.

Wasn't that inhuman? Cold, unforgiving, heartless. These words would be your impressions of Petunia Dursely now. The old woman who hadn't aged gracefully, whose wrinkles seemed permanently etched into stone, whose eyes would stay milky grey-blue in thought for eternity, whose crinkled lips would forever stay in a grimace.

The woman who had wished to stay young forever and couldn't.

She shuffled along the street, head low. Then she heard a shriek of laughter. A beautiful, chiming laugh from a charming little boy across the street. She smiled and turned to look at him. Beauty, order, perfection, these things had always been important to Petunia. That laugh had to belong to a beautiful person. She looked up.

Then her blood froze cold. Black hair, green eyes. Sitting on his father's shoulders. His father's... But so many years could not have passed! They couldn't have!

But they had. And if Petunia had learnt anything, it was to make use of you time before it was too late, because when time flies away, it doesn't come back.

She turned to cross the road.

She was closer now, almost close enough to tap them on the back, but she had to be sure, after all reckless instincts couldn't be trusted at this age.

"Daddy! Can't we go quicker! Mummy said she's making apple pie."

"Patience is a virtue, Albus"

"But please! You love Mummy's apple pie too!" the small boy smiled cunningly.

The man smiled, tipped the boy into his arms and tickled him ferociously. The air was alive with giggles and pure laughter. She'd never heard anything like it. She was enchanted, spellbound, flying in the shimmering golden moment, wanting it to go on.

But the moment always breaks.

With all the kicking and flailing from the 3 year old, the man's glasses had fallen off. He turned and reached down to pick them up. And he saw her.

And as soon as she saw his face, she knew it was him. Harry Potter.

Harry froze for a moment, immediately recognising her. She wondered what thoughts would be racing around his head, the first things he would associate with her. Stop. It was better not to think of that.

It was better not to see him at all.

Her straightened up quickly under her searching gaze and put on his glasses, lowering the boy to the ground to walk. It was strange then, the mirror image of the two faces. Both so similar with the same expression: confusion.

The little boy tugged on his father's sleeve, evidently thinking he knew what was going on,

"Daddy, this is a Question Lady isn't it? You always say no thank you to them and go home."

"No Albus, this isn't a reporter"

So the pair were used to a lot of publicity then.

"I just wanted to say hello. You have a beautiful son, Harry" she said timidly.

"Thanks. I have an older son and a baby daughter at home." he replied, somewhat stiffly.

"Well, a family then. You always were that sort."

He didn't answer.

"Do you love them Harry?"

Suddenly he looked sure and a fiery pride glowed from his eyes, "Yes and I always will"

"Well I'll have to leave now," she smiles at the the small boy, "I'll write from now on though. Sorry I didn't before"

He stares at her shell shocked, because he and Petunia both know, that word ,"Sorry" was for so much more.

"Sorry" she whispers again and she walkes away.

She remembers the letter on the doorstep, so many years ago.

_Destined for great things_. And this was the greatest thing of all, love.

And she hears their hushed conversation behind her, the small boy insistent, and curious,

"Who was that Daddy?"

And she knows the answer, before it even passes his lips, because it's all she ever thought of herself, all that she's ever known herself to be and all she will ever be to anyone,

"Nobody, Albus, nobody"


End file.
